More on the problem with Transgasm.  Including how it’s an all trans men organisation even as it claims it will fund surgery for trans women, too.

Somehow I imagine an organization that collects 50% of all the money trans women make for them and funnel it all into trans dudes’ surgeries.

Like I mean I know how many liberation movements find ways to mobilize women’s labor to benefit men but this is pretty blatant even for that.

I have the same imagining.  Like I said in my last reblog, I don’t even think it really will take any intent.  The fact that it’s run exclusively by trans men and surgeries for trans men tend to 1/3rd the cost of surgeries for trans women pretty much guarantees this will happen.

Where do we get our penises?


The time is ripe for a master list of snarky answers to the question “where do trans men get their penises?”

  • "They grow them on special penis farms. Traditionally they were in Cambodia, but recently there’s been several organic penis-growing collectives set up around Portland, Oregon."
  • "They’re mined in penis mines all around South America. Pound for pound, penis is actually more expensive than gold."
  • "It’s a kind of knitting process, using sheep’s intestines. It’s not as gross as it sounds, I swear."
  • "There’s a donor register where they match you up with a trans woman whose tissue type is compatible and then, when the time comes, you just swap."
  • "Genetically modified pigs. It’s actually pretty cool, because pig orgasms can last up to half an hour!"
  • "Mostly we just hang around outside a Gents’ toilet somewhere with a scalpel and a chloroform-soaked rag. We consider it our initiation into manhood."

That’s all I’ve got so far, but I’d love some more suggestions. The more ridiculous, the better.

Input, input…more context!


So, recently this article was posted about a Leather Title now being limited to cis gay men only when it used to be open to trans men who were gay as well. The director, or person who is quoted in the article (and says some pretty shitty things there) has made some posts on facebook about this that I’ve wanted to bring up. 

So, this is quoted from Jeffrey Payne’s facebook:

At this time, I am speaking as Jeffrey Payne, not as a Board Member of ILSb-ICBB. So here goes:

To those that have emailed me threats of physical harm to myself and/or my family, you need to cease immediately. You have taken this way too far and the next one I get will be dealt with by the authorities. Passion is one thing; fanatical behavior is another.

To those who have emailed me with statements of my being “the Hitler of the Leather Community”, “the Grand Dragon of the Leather Community”, a ‘bigot’, a ‘transphobic fuck’, etc etc etc and cursed me up and down the wall, without ever asking for more insight than what you read in an article through the media, and yet promote yourselves as the sane and justifiable ones need a reality check. Not one of you that has taken the lynching route have asked for more information or have asked for a civilized conversation. Not one. Not a single one.

To those of you whom I consulted with before ILSb-ICBB decided to make the change and were onboard wholeheartedly, only to pull your support and jump on the lynching bandwagon when you saw the public lynching of me and my family, your day will come.

For those that doubt my support of the transgender community, obviously you have no idea of who I am as a human being. 

But in all of this, I have heard you (through all the crap, I can still pick out the reasonable voices) and I have called a board meeting for Thursday evening to discuss this issue further. Until then, there will be no more public statements by myself or the other members of the Board. At this point, I will not engage in an intelligent conversation with those who refer to me as any of the items stated above.

Your Leather Brother,

Now…this guy is behaving like a transphobic fuck. He’s either saying that trans men are not men enough, or he’s saying that trans men can’t be gay. Either way, not cool. Based on what he said, it is safe to conclude he’s being a bigot. I think he’s also being an ableist asshole (I like alliteration), and racist as well. Or at least I think so…I mean, using lynching in that way is kinda racist, right?

There’s a bunch of comments on that status which are all “omg Jeffrey! This is so sad that these assholes would say such mean things!” There’s even this one:

All sounds silly and juvenile in all dirrections. but you have to give kudos to the term transphobic.. Thats cute! Luv your favorite old baldheaded tranny wannabe, Roxanne the man

Lovely, somebody uses a transmisogynistic slur (difficult to determine how this person IDs but appears to be a drag queen), and makes fun of trans people calling somebody out. 

Another poster who previously posted and made a spelling error:

Sorry about the misspell I’m still on the short yellow bus lol!!

Seriously? Seriously?

Then there’s like 70+ comments of support, and talking down on trans people.

More on that shitty situation for leather trans* men I linked to yesterday.  I love transphobes who make fun of the concept.  It’s so refreshingly arseholish.

Today in shitty news for leather trans* men…

[ETA: The International title they mention for trans people was started by a transphobic cis man who didn’t want trans people competing in existing leather titles.  It’s crap.]









With Love, 

Morty Diamond 

call me a grouch, but i can already see where this is gonna go…

“trans women matter because they raised me to be a big boy!”

“trans women matter because they pave the way to our freedom!”

“trans women matter because we can’t fight the patriarchy without them!”

i’ve heard it a thousand times, trans men talkin bout how trans women matter always ends up bein about the unpaid/unnegotiated labor they harvest from our lives and then pretend to be grateful for.

how about a project encouraging trans men to explore in depth the ways they value and devalue trans women in their communities? you know, “i have many times only valued trans women’s existence when they were offering me unpaid labor, like endless emotional support or a denial of their own subjectivity, and i have devalued in trans women their anger, desire, victimhood, and other aspects of their beings that don’t center around supporting me”. that would actually be a project worth doing instead a self-congratulatory circle-jerk of male entitlement….

Why do we need another platform for trans men to talk about the labors trans women perform while not allowing us to talk about our own experiences? I thought that’s what queer communities were for.

This is going to be the same cookie contest every trans dude participates in whenever trans women are brought up in queer circles; the trans man who talks loudest about supporting trans women is valued and lauded while the trans woman that speaks loudest about her experiences is ostracized.

yes ^

Yes x2^^

"Hey, let’s appreciate trans women by listening to a bunch of trans guys."

"Wow, I really appreciate how you silence me to appreciate me," SAID NO TRANS WOMAN EVER.

Hey, here’s an idea:


(Source: , via wolfe-bites)

Dear Trans Men (and Trans Masc Spectrum Theys),


I know that I’m always bugging you, whether for your numbers so that I can get added to your seemingly infinite lists of booty calls or because I’m calling you out for whatever form of misogyny has me angry today, but we need to talk. Again. Here’s the thing: in the past couple of years, you’ve really made some strides in recognizing that trans women get the fuzzy end of the Queer Community lollipop. And that’s great. I’m glad that you’re starting to see what we’ve been talking about for the past thirty years.

But I need you all to commit to something for me. I know, I know — you have commitment issues. Believe me, after the 14 trans guys I’ve dated over the last two years, I know all about your commitment issues. But I really need you to do this for me. I’m not going to sugar it by saying that it’s going to be easy, either. This one takes some real commitment.

Here’s what I’m asking for: stop speaking at/performing at/having your art featured in conferences, panel discussions, art shows, rock shows, and any other event that says it’s about “gender” or “trans people” or even “queer people” but does not actively include trans women.

Take a moment. Breathe. Ground. Centre.

“But how will I ever have my art shown again?!” you ask in horror, while silently wondering how you’ll get laid without the Queer Points you earn from having your stuff everywhere the cool queers are.

To this I can only reply, “Welcome to our world.”

Here’s the thing: if you are putting on or participating in shows/conferences/events that are about “trans people,” and no trans women are significantly involved? Those sausage-less-fests are contributing to the marginalization of trans women who are supposedly part of your community. And that marginalization translates into our higher vulnerability to many things, not the least of which being intimate partner violence and suicidality. And it’s just a shitty thing to do.

Don’t want to stop doing these events? Ok, I’m willing to give you an option. I’m a giver, as my previously mentioned laundry list of exboyfriends can surely attest.

Call it something else. It’s very simple. If you event is called, say, “TRANS/gender/ART,” rename it to what it actually is “MASC/fest.” I actually am not opposed to that. Everyone knows I enjoy a good MASC/fest. I could go for one right now, as a matter of fact (call me maybe?). If we start to call things as they are, at least then we’ll all know what we really mean. Clarity is adjacent to Godliness.

Start asking questions. If cis queer or trans masc organizers come to you and ask you to be in their show/conference/event, ask who else is featured. Ask if trans women have been included in the organizing in any way. And, if they haven’t been, ask why. You might hear a lot of borderline horrifying things about trans women with that last question. I’ve heard them when I’ve asked, and you’d think they’d at least feign ignorance around me as a known trans lady. I can only imagine what they’ll say to you.

If you’re not willing to make this commitment, please consider not calling yourself an ally to trans women. And in doing so, please stop invoking Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P Johnson, and the litany of each year’s murdered trans women (mostly sex workers and mostly women of colour) that we call TDOR.


~Your Girl Friday (after your date with your Other Girl Friday, of course)

(via kiriamaya)

(Content warning for quoting transphobia and transmisogyny)


Going to talk about trans critical. No, I don’t mean the engineering issues or the mathematical concept. I mean the thing where people decide to couch their obvious and intense anxiety, animus, and/or aversion to trans people under the rubric of “trans critical” because they are critical of trans.

Let’s start out with one quote, slid out of tumblr, which I went and visited again for some damn fool reason.

Being trans critical, in my opinion, should be about criticizing the harmful aspects of transgender politics and the transgender movement as a whole. These include things like the promotion of an innate “gender identity,” the push to eliminate female only spaces, the belief that “identifying” as a man or a woman automatically makes you one, the acceptance of gender stereotypes as good and natural, and so on. It should not be about demonizing transsexual people, singling people out to mock on an individual level, denying the legitimacy of sex dysphoria, or casting transition as an illegitimate “choice” rather than a last-resort treatment for a life threatening medical condition.

Most trans critical people aren’t guilty of doing those things, but it’s more common than it should be for people to cross the line. Gleefully throwing slurs like “tranny” and “shemale” around, mocking the appearances of transsexual people who haven’t done anything to deserve it, and describing medical treatment for transsexualism as “mutilation,” are all examples of what I would consider to be transphobic. When I see people do these things I completely lose interest in listening to anything that they have to say and, frankly, any respect that I had for them beforehand.

Now for a take from a different perspective:

Being trans critical means pointing out issues within trans theory and trans feminism. Some critics might call for changes within trans theory, other critics might call for rejecting trans theory. I think allies should be more trans critical.

Examples: “I am not convinced of the limbic-system sex theory.” “I had a lot of trouble accepting my body during puberty, and I’m not sure how my body-image issues differed from their body dysphoria.” “I am convinced that butch flight is real.”

Being transmisogynistic means hurting trans womyn, degrading trans womyn, or supporting social norms which hurt trans womyn. I am disappointed that some other feminists practice transmisogyny in the name of trans-criticism.

Examples: “All transsexuals rape women’s bodies.” “Male to Constructed Female.” “They expect we’d be shocked to see statistics about them being killed, and don’t realize, some of us wish they would ALL be dead.” “Surgically and Chemically Altered Male.”

Now for two others, from the people who essentially started the whole idea of “trans-critical”, and then we’ll get on to my take on the whole concept…

Gender Identity Disorder is very much a mental illness. It causes people to:

— hate their own bodies up to and including a strong urge to cut off perfectly normal, perfectly healthy body parts, take dangerous hormones, etc.;

— be virulently jealous of people who have the body-type they wish they had or think they “ought” to have;

— be completely, self-indulgently, vociferously irrational about the simple facts of reproductive biology, unlike 99.8% of the rest of adult human beings (e.g. demanding that others agree that their penis is “really female” and that their male body is “really a lesbian’s body”, etc.);

— based on my observations, GID also causes people to engage in histrionic manipulation, to engage in obsessive behaviors (e.g. stalking people who reject them sexually, relentlessly following people on-line that they “hate”, spending thousands of hours over a period of decades endlessly obsessing over “gender” presentation) and to exhibit extremely poor impulse control, for example, lashing out with virulent death wishes or threatening/attempting suicide when socially thwarted, and entering into dangerous sex-work, drug abuse, drinking binges, homelessness, etc. rather than successfully adjusting their life-style to fit in with the basic parameters of the working world — a world that millions of (for example) lesbians, bisexuals and gay men manage to negotiate successfully despite our differences from the expected social “norm”.

GID also appears to present with the co-morbidity of clinical depression in a high percentage of cases.

the above is an example of a trans critical post from a blog that pretty much only does trans critical stuff. So that’s very much an example of what trans critical actually is. And here’s a story from another one of the leading trans critical blogs, also an example of what transcritical is in practice.

Who is trans? Who has the right to “gender-bend”? Who has the right to attempt to impersonate the opposite sex? When is trans “authentic” and when is it not?

These issues are coming to the fore as conflicts around the hastily and ill-considered “gender identity” laws which were passed in the last decade become tested by real life application.

Who are the Gender Identity laws- which are being pushed by mainstream LGBT organizations- designed to protect? It’s the heterosexuals, stupid.

In Portland a group of sexual fetishists (heterosexual men whose sexual arousal occurs by imagining themselves occupying the sexual “object” = female) filed a complaint against a bar that refused to allow them to hold gatherings there on Friday nights. The reason? These hetero male fetishists, the “Rose City T-Girls” insisted on using the women’s restroom, reportedly leaving the seats up and pissing all over and generally making the women unsafe and uncomfortable.

Now, these guys make no claim to being “men in women’s bodies”, the standard internal, subjective, self-reported claim which Gender Identity laws are intended to protect. These guys get erections pretending to be female. Do Gender Identity protections force women into nonconsensual participation in these males sexual activities? Yes. And do Gender Identity laws remove the rights of women to privacy in women’s showers, locker rooms, restrooms and other areas segregated by sex for the safety of women from predatory males? Yes. Do Gender Identity laws remove the rights of women to act defensively and “trust their gut” in situations where some creepy dude is imposing himself? Yes.

Do transgender movement activists make a distinction between transsexuals who have undergone cosmetic medical or surgical “treatments” and hetero dudes that get erections pretending to be female? No. Do transgender movement activists make a distinction between individuals that have obtained legal “gender” recognition or otherwise objectively demonstrated a history of persistent internal self-concept of oneself as “the wrong sex” – and hetero dudes that get erections pretending to be female? No.

Let’s face it. Gender Identity is a religion. It is a personal internal belief, completely subjective, unprovable, faith-based. Gender Identity protections protect the right to personal faith and personal belief in stereotypes based on reproductive sex. But religious protections don’t provide the right to stomp on the rights of women. A man may have the right to sacrifice chickens to express his internal subjective faith-based beliefs. But he doesn’t have the right to do so in the Ladies Room at the corner pub. And he must have objective proof of authenticity of his religious belief – such as proof of duration, proof of commitment. He can’t just claim to be temporarily Jewish to force his employers to give him the day off for Yom Kippur for example.

Now, if you see a marked contrast between the way it is described in the first two examples and the second two examples, then you are seeing the difference in the way that “trans critical” is seen by trans people, and how it is seen by the people who cling to the label like it was their last salvation.

Now me, I sit there and look very closely at the whole nightmare that is tied up there. And then, because I want to be sure that I’m showing how *most* of the people who use that terminology mean it, I figure I’ll toss a few more examples out there, just to hammer home the point I make down the road here:

Feminism will be transcritical or…
will not be feminism at all.

If everyone can claim to be a woman,”woman” makes no sense as a category anymore. our opression wil be erased.

i read a text,wrote from a radfem,i guess,saying radfeminism ( a.k.a the only feminism ´cause the rest if fauxminism) should not put so much energy in being transcritical because after all there are not so many trans out there. i say we should put MORE energy on this issue,because of what i said above and because the trans ideology needs to make more trans to keep alive. maybe now they aren´t many,but soon they can be.


Why I am trans-critical
A woman is not something a man can become.

A woman is not something a man can become.

A woman is NOT something a man can become.

Being a woman is having a vagina. Being a woman is menstruating. Being a woman- and I’m talking biologically, here - is having a uterus and ovaries.

Being “female” on the other hand is something different.

But men cannot, should not and will not ever be women.


The quote I posted, to which you are referring, points out that certain interpretations of the transsexual subjective experience do indeed constitute a threat to women because they extend— rather than challenge— patriarchal logic. Specifically, the patriarchal logic promulgated by cultures that have institutionalized (a) male power over women and (b) the idea of women as objects to be owned by the powerful. This logic is very consistent with the traditional transsexual/transgender narrative. Why? Because that narrative or understanding of subjective transsexual experience is that some MAABs arewomen, that they can become women, and that they can literally have (own) female bodies, and can therefore do anything they want to them, and by extension to women as a class (e.g. define female experience and female bodies however they want even when FAABs object, challenge the traditional feminist knowledge and boundaries of FAAB feminists, and attempt to take leading, aggressive roles in our movement).


What I meant by that why I am trans critical post is:

YOU HAVE TO BE BORN A WOMAN. I sould have worded it a LOT better than I did- but you can’t just “become” a woman.

Shouldn’t have put all that stuff in about vaginas. I apologise.


They are using analysis and critique to pointedly bring into question a politics and a movement that is firmly entrenched in and reinforcing of the idea that “woman” is merely something that can be worn like a costume while the real experiences lived by females can be dismissed or erased entirely. By analyzing and critiquing the language, arguments, politics, and behaviors of transgenderism, we are firmly aligned with feminists who critique other systems and institutions that are damaging to females, such as pornography, prostitution, and phallocentric/PIV sexuality.


So what we have, in terms of how trans critical is actually used — that is, what it *really* means, as opposed to what some people would like for it to mean — is that the very idea that transness exists is being examined critical, and in a negative, hostile manner, with a focus on actively ingorning anything that the people whose very existence is the subject of that criticism might say in their defense, unless it can be used to make them look like horrible people.

So, given that is the practice, allow me to quote another trans critical statement that is not from people who claim to be trans critical, but who’s work is decidedly very much in the same arena.

In a California incident in 2008, students and parents were outraged to learn that a female music teacher at Foxboro Elementary School underwent surgery to become a man. Parents were not informed about this so-called sex change in advance so they could remove their children from her class. In addition, the kids were required to refer to her as “Mister.” The school district refused to notify parents about this she-male’s so-called sex change because of “privacy laws” – that is, federal HIPPA laws. By using the privacy laws within HIPPA as a shield, transgenders are seeking to transform laws designed to protect working mothers and those with pre-existing conditions into something HIPPA was never intended to do — push the homosexual agenda. When school districts hide behind HIPPA in order to introduce transgenders into the classroom, the alarms start going off in churches and families across the United States.

The inherent fallacy of a “sex change” operation is simple. A person can have as much cosmetic surgery as they please, but their DNA remains unchanged. Maleness and femaleness remain firmly rooted in the DNA of a person. The very idea that a slight touch-up here or there somehow alters the essence of a person approaches the absurd — unless there’s a government bureaucrat and a federal judge giving a “thumbs up” in the background.

Fascinating, isn’t it?

Those who pay close attention will note that the heart and soul of what Trans critical means in practice — again, in the way that it is actually used, in the ideas and efforts that surround the way that people who claim to be transcritical actually perform the criticism part — will likely see the disconnect between the trans people who talk about it and the people who are, well, just bigots saying they are trans critical and using that to make their statements seem less like what they actually are:

Hate mongering.

I’ve been threatened before for pointing this out: the book written by Raymond, where all the people who are trans critical find their core ideas about transness and trans people, calls for a moral extermination of trans people — for genocide, bluntly. I’d say that in court, and, given the process of  one person (not whom you might expect), I may even find myself doing so.

The kind of stuff that is claimed and said by people who say they are trans critical and that is defended as being trans critical is that exact kind of effort that she was calling for.

It uses a moral judgment to make the case for transness being labelled an aberration and stopped from being possible — look at the stuff above, once more.  We have people saying that trans women are not women. That they are predatory.  That they are violent and terrible — and the small handful of perhaps 500 people the world over who are brutally active in this have created sites in all manner of ways and forms that basically take the time to call out trans people for anything that they can claim a moral leg to stand on over those trans people — and by extension, all trans people.

Which tells us, at least a little, why the initial two quotes strive to make it into something other than that.

Now, there are ways to criticize aspects of trans culture,  things about the ideas that some trans people have, and so forth that could be called such, but at this point, to use that terminology is very much akin to using the term tranny.

Say it, and people know right off the bat that you are, no matter what you claim, a complete and utter bigot who has serious issues with trans people and transness.

Now, I’ve run into this “trans-critical” commentary in other places — it begins, as most ideas do, to take on a life of its own. Which is fine, in and of itself, but at this point in things, the meaning of the concept trans critical is to be critical of trans people.

But even if the idea was to be critical of transness, it is going to run into the problem of it being widely considered as a factual concept that transness is innate.  And not just by trans people.

How it is innate, no one truly, really knows — there is some aspects of biology involve,d but it is not a simple thing and it is not easily determined or tested for.

I’m not above pointing that out, but I’m also not above pointing out that walking down the path of essentialism that’s there is pretty fucking stupid, because, in the end, it is biological essentialism.

Comes in handy in arguments on that realm (“Born female”), but then you are using two really fucking asinine arguments against each other, neither of which has any real value intellectually.  Essentialism is avoided like mad even by biologists, who know far too well how stupid that argument is and how long ago all arguments based on that were pretty much shut down.

The same thing, by the way, applies to evo-psych. At the very core, arguments which rely on something being “biological” or physiological are deeply, deeply flawed when it comes to dealing with people.

Cats, too, probably.

Once you step out of that realm, however, you find yourself on ground that hasn’t been well tread, that isn’t as pretty and simple and “clean”, and above all else, those people who are trans critical are looking for and seeking something clean, and sharply defined, and will, ultimately, contort themselves into all manner of fashions to prove their points, with moving the goalposts just the start.

What’s moving the goal post, you ask?

It’s “special pleading” — creating exceptions when a point is shown to be wrong.  For example, the statement “All women are born with Vaginas”.  Well, not all women are born with vaginas. Point that out, and they say “well, all women have a cervix”  and so forth — constantly moving the point at which they appear to accept being wrong further and further out.

That is also a no true Scotsman fallacy, so things like that give you a two-fer on the stupid scale. And in these kinds of arguments, you run into stupids a lot.

Trans-critical arguments are also not truly critical — they are, almost uniformly and no matter how one sees them, emotional pleadings.  That is, they have no link to logical truth, they are all about the emotional feel of something.

Like the Republicans who were all swearing that they won and even spending 25,000 donated dollars on fireworks the day of the election, or Karl Rove who was on FOX news saying that he didn’t believe in the models and the tools that FOX news was using to call Ohio for Obama (after everyone else already had), for them it is all about the emotional argument that is in play at that time, the way they feel about it, the way they believe.

I often say and stress that Belief isn’t what I argue on.  I argue on facts. What I believe may guide me down the long haul (and is important, because I look to the future), but getting there requires me to use facts, and reason, not what I believe.

that is the luxury of those who have genuine privilege, not false privilege. The luxury of those in a position of a dominant class — and those not in those classes who have been fooled by the others.

So remember this when you see commentary by people who call themselves “trans critical — even if they are trans.

Critical thought doesn’t rely on emotional pleadings.  Critical thought doesn’t present scotsman fallacies.  Critical thought doesn’t move the goal posts or false causes or slippery slope arguments.

Trans critical, in practice, isn’t’ critical at all.

It’s just being a really big fucking asshole.




Cis-Male privilege is to be utterly confused by the very existence of female-only safe spaces and to demand to be let in because it’s “sexist” if they are excluded. 

Because trans men ~never~ demand access to to female-only spaces and act like assholes if they are excluded.

Of course not, trans men are cuddly harmless decaf men who all women want in female-only spaces and if you say otherwise than you’re transphobic, and acting like an MRA if you’re a trans woman.

Yep, makes sense to me.  /sarcasm

(Source: all-about-male-privilege, via waepenwifebunny)

  • Kiri: ...does this make me guilty of "transmisandry"? XD
  • Kiri: (seriously, there are trans men who use that word and it blows my mind)
  • Tchy: Yes. You are a horrible horrible transmisandrist and you eat trans men's souls for breakfast.
  • Kiri: lolol
  • Tchy: I know this because you ate my soul and now I don't have one.
  • Kiri: I am literally lolling so hard
  • Tchy: :D
  • Kiri: actually umm I don't think it was your soul I ate...
  • Kiri: ;)
  • Tchy: /snortlaugh.
  • Tchy: Heeeee. <3
  • Me: Trans* dudes, you can't speak for me, and you shouldn't speak over me. So stop.
  • Trans* dudes: But aren't we all on the same--
  • Me: No.
  • Trans* dudes: But I totally know what it's like because I don't always pa--
  • Me: No.
  • Trans* dudes: But I can use my privilege to--
  • Me: No.
  • Trans* dudes: But we're all just as hated by--
  • Me: No.
  • Trans* dudes: But division is exactly what our enemies wa--
  • Me: No.
  • Trans* dudes: But--
  • Me: NO.


Bi Social Network is having a 4th of July 2 day sale. Get your copy of ‘Bi Social’ magazine on sale now! Sale Ends Friday @ 12 a.m. 

Oh, look, an article on trans bi men.  Coolness.

(via bisexualftw)

A compilation of why I hate Raven Kaldera [trans misogyny, misogyny of all sorts, anti-trans violence, cissexist crap, racism, etc]






Started by this ask.

I wanted to like Raven Kaldera. I found him through his essay about problems between the intersex & trans communities, which is very important and I really liked. He’s trans, pagan, poly, apparently is really good about polyamory, and a few other things about that. I really thought this was a person I would like. But I can’t. Every fucking time I find out more about him I hate him more.

  1. -“Your dating pool will shrink drastically. This is especially true if you are FTM.” (emphasis added. er, what?)
  2. -” If you found cross-dressing erotic before transition, that will probably go away when it’s not cross-dressing any more, it’s just normalcy. It’s not erotic when it’s what’s for breakfast for the rest of your life. You’ll have to find a new fetish.” Did you know that women can’t find being a woman, dressing sexy, etc to be erotic? Or is it that women finding being a woman erotic is a “Fetish”? 
  3. -“You won’t ever have a normal body of a member of the opposite sex” Fuck you and your normal. A lot of trans men end up with a complex because they’re told that their body is wrong and unacceptable and fucked up- it doesn’t matter if it’s not “normal”, there is no normal, what matters is that you’re happy with it. Look into what the results are. Figure out if that’s what you want.
  4. -(in talk about the likelihood of being attacked/killed/etc) “Remember Brandon Teena” Trans women are FAR more likely to be killed than trans men, but you choose a trans guy- who, by the way, has had the Native part of his heritage erased because we can’t have non-white trans folk acknowledged. Nice
  5. -The title- “would be”. Trans people who are going to medically transition need to know the dangerous and risks and what you’re giving up. But to dismiss them as “would be”, as if they don’t really want to. A better title- “If you’re thinking about medical transition” or “Some things to be aware of before transitioning”.
  6. but mostly the conflation of “Transsexual” and “sex change” (FUCK DO I HATE THAT TERM) I’ve known transsexual folk who are never going to transition medically, that’s fine.
  • He has declared himself the “Evil Overlord of the Transsexual Empire” and the link isn’t working for me, but it says it on the sidebar of his site (eta- it is now, but if it isn’t, again, it’s on your sidebar). This quote”: “So I unilaterally declared myself Evil Overlord of the Transsexual Empire, and began to fill the ranks of my Legions of Terror.” He literally declared himself the overlord of this and he’s selling merchandise and asking for donationsThe Transsexual Empire is a despicable book almost (completely?) aimed at trans women. And here is a man saying that he can “reclaim” the idea of the transsexual empire, something against women. And who is  profiting off of it. I need nothing else to have a problem with this person.

That’s just from his site. Not everything else he’s done, this is the stuff that he’s advertising about himself. Not some deep dark secret he’s ashamed of or learned better about.

And all of this from the guy who claims that, according to his belief system, “In Northern-Tradition Paganism, it means that racism, sexism, homophobia, and intolerance of alternative lifestyles is unacceptable, period.” (although I notice the missing “transphobia”)


*I can’t be bothered finding the links where he calls trans women “female androgynes” or whatever and trans men “male androgynes” or whatever. Seriously this person has a fucked up view of trans people. There are male and female androgynes. That’s fine. But not all trans people are a “third gender” or “androgynes” or whatever.

Here is the stuff I was talking about before, followers. Sorry for losing the post :P

Reblog, because there are legit reasons a lot of people who call themselves Heathen loudly and publicly distance themselves from Kaldera that have nothing to do with his personal gender, sexuality or spirituality but with the fact that he’s a nasty piece of work as a human being. (I believe he also had/has connections to using psychologically unsound, definitely unapproved, and possibly mentally damaging methods to “cure” PTSD and other similar psychological reactions to trauma).

O god, I don’t have time, but there is an important essay of his missing. He has an essay about how to date a trans woman and IT’S SO BAD. Bad bad bad bad bad bad. I read it like 2 years ago and it still haunts me.

I think you mean this thing right here. Here’s a copy/paste…TW for all of the above.

The Transwoman’s Boudoir, And How To Get Into It
from Scarlet Letters

(Author’s note: This column is the second of a two-part series that will be a basic guide to dating transfolk. The first column, available in the archives, covers the how-tos of dating female-to-male transmen.)

In the 1970’s, when certain radical segments of the feminist movement began to realize the existence of male-to-female transwomen (MTFs), there was a certain amount of panicked talk about how men were more likely to prefer these “male women” to ordinary women. The theory went that since transwomen were “really” men, they would be more likely to accept male ideas of how women should be, and thus be more attractive than biological women, who were beginning to discover feminism and thus becoming “uppity”.

A quarter of a century later, of course, these theories seem utterly ludicrous. Not only has such favoritism completely failed to materialize, but transwomen seem to be second only to the severely disabled in their difficulty as a minority group to find appropriate dates and mates. Time and again I hear the same sad stories from my transwoman friends: Gay men who will deign to date them, but will slip and call them “he” all the time, and discourage them from getting vaginoplasties. (“You want to cut that off? But it’s so beautiful!” My MTF wife refers to this as One-Less-Dick-In-The-World Syndrome.) Straight men who will date them only as long as they already have vaginoplasties and are willing to deny their pasts completely, or (more likely) won’t date them at all, because “someone might find out”. Bisexual men pretending that they aren’t bisexual who use them as a stepping-stone to trying out “real” men. Straight women who want them to have sex like men once in the bedroom. Lesbians who scream as if attacked the second they walk into a bar or dance or bookstore.

There is a whole class of people - largely male - who are referred to as “admirers” in the drag bar community, but it seems that these guys have mostly fetishized the idea of doing it with a “she-male” and aren’t really interested in trannygirls as actual human beings. I’ve often commented that this is the only community I know of where the term “admirer” is a dirty word. So-called “she-male” porn has been a jerk-off staple for so long that many people seem to expect transwomen to act like the girls portrayed in it, even at the grocery store. Add to this the huge amount of prejudice and hostility toward them in the areas of work, family, and even on the street - keep in mind that around one transgendered person per month is brutally murdered in this country, and most of those are transwomen - and you have a community of people seriously in need of self-esteem boosting.

The upshot of this sad situation is that many, many transwomen are both desperate and cynical. Far too many of the trannygirls I know will take what’s offered to them, even if it’s a substandard relationship. Others, desperate for expensive surgeries, will settle for being “kept” lovers on the side, or succumb to the sex industry when no one else will hire them. It’s too bad, too, because certain of my transwomen friends are among the bravest and most intelligent people I know. Don’t, however, assume that she’s desperate in any way. Sadly, transwomen often are, for affirmation or even affection, but assuming that she is makes you a predator, not a knight on a white horse. It’s not your job to “save” her, just to treat her with care and courtesy and enthusiasm.

In this article, I’m focusing on transwomen who have already transitioned - those who live full-time as women, and who are most likely doing things to alter their bodies. Dealing with drag queens, cross-dressers, and other folks of this ilk would take a whole different column. If your male lover is thinking about gender transition, that’s a whole other ball game. Try the SOFFA list “FTMSOs” at YahooGroups.. They can also help you with a new flame who is struggling with question of whether to change or not. Get their advice. You are not alone.

Dating a transwoman will give you a surprising insight into what being male or female is really all about….and what it isn’t about. That delicate thing across the table from you may be able to rebuild a car without breaking a nail. Depending on her age, generation, upbringing, and how she’s been treated, she may be ashamed of her male past, and all the skills that she learned while living in it. It’s best not to add to that shame by acting too surprised when you find out that she used to be - or still is - an HVAC installer or a union electrician. Instead, try telling her how much strong women turn you on, and you’re glad to see one breaking job stereotypes.

Let’s talk about bodies for a moment. You’re all probably wondering, so we should get it over with now. First, there is an astounding array of differences among transwomen around how they view their bodies. Some have body dysphoria so severe that they cannot enjoy their genitals - or in some cases, even use them - until they’ve been surgically rearranged to look more feminine. On the other end of the spectrum, some are cheerfully able to use whatever equipment they have any way they can. There’s a whole range in between; for instance, some transwomen I’ve been with preferred to call their pre-operative organ a “big clitoris” or “clit on a stick”; some were fine with hands or mouths but couldn’t bring themselves to do that most male-perceived of acts, penetration of another with their big clits. One trannygirl friend, whose female lover was pleading for penetration, came to terms with the situation by tucking back her own genitals and donning a strap-on.

Some transwomen who still have their birth genitalia are saving money and working towards a future vaginoplasty. Some would like a vaginoplasty, but are leery of the medical problems; not everyone who comes off the surgical table still has the kind of orgasmic capacity that they went in with; they are waiting for better technology. Some are happy with their own genitals, and don’t feel that having a big clit detracts from them being a girl; one said to me, “So I’m a woman with an outie instead of an innie? I’m still a woman.” If you cannot think of her as one, you shouldn’t be inflicting yourself on her.

If the transwoman that you’re interested in is post-vaginoplasty, keep in mind that her vagina is a little more fragile than a biowoman’s, and doesn’t self-lubricate; gentleness and lube is in order. And for the record, I’ve never met a post-estrogen trannygirl who was not proud of the breasts that she had grown herself at great cost and effort, and didn’t like to have them admired and touched by a lover.

For the list that follows, I interviewed many of my transwoman friends on how they didn’t want to be treated on a date. The thing most-quoted, of course, was simply, “Don’t treat me any differently than you would treat a biowoman.” However, some things need to be spelled out, so here’s the winning list of Date Tricks To Hate.

Things Not To Say (Or Do) To A Transwoman On A Date

1. “I want to treat you like a lady,” especially “the lady you really are/dress like/want to be,” with the expectation that this is enough to get a transwoman to melt into a pool of liquid sex. If you have no idea how to treat someone like a lady, then don’t even say it. You will be called on it, sooner or later. If you do know how to treat her like a lady, then shut up and do it.

2. “But that’s so unfeminine!” Or, “I’m getting male energy from you.” First of all, women in general are penalized and called masculine in this culture for being assertive and even tough. Not only may your transwoman not necessarily want to give up the useful lessons she learned from living as a man, she is also at risk of an appallingly high level of murder and rape, and assertiveness may well keep her alive. Second, if she’s trying her best to be culturally feminine, and she just slipped for a minute, it will only embarrass her and raise the tension level.

3. “You know, you’d pass better if you…” This generally comes out of people who think that they are trying to be helpful. Somehow, transwomen often attract total strangers who think that they have the right to turn into a Wardrobe Counselor or Acting Coach, coming up out of nowhere and telling her how she should be walking, talking, or wearing her hair. Such criticism is not helpful when it is unsolicited and comes from someone who is not a close personal friend. If it’s really so important to tell her this, wait until you get to know her a lot better. Even then, she may not want to hear it, and you’ll just have to deal. Again, if you wouldn’t do it to a biofemale, restrain yourself.

4. “What was your real name?” It’ll serve you right if she tells you it was Tiffany. Don’t follow this up with a list of transpeople that you know and all their former names, either. She will not be interested.

5. “So do you have a dick, or what?” I don’t care if Hothead Paisan got away with saying this. There’s this assumption that the crotches of all transpeople are a public spectacle, and that everyone has the right to ask what we’ve got down there. You don’t get to ask that question until she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to do the mattress dance with you. Actually, you don’t get to ask that question ever. A better way to ask what equipment you’re going to be dealing with might be: “I know that some transwomen only like to be touched in certain ways. Could you please tell me how you like to do it before we start, so that I won’t make too many mistakes?” This will let her know that you genuinely care about her body issues, and give her the freedom to talk about her anatomy with less discomfort. If you’re trying to find out about her anatomy so that you can decide whether or not you want to do it with her - i.e. if you only want her if she has a cock, or if she doesn’t have a cock - then maybe you shouldn’t be hitting on her at all. She is much more than her genitals, and no one wants to be rejected for what they have or haven’t been able to afford to do with their bodies.

6. “Did they cut off your dick?” OK, this is another too-personal and inappropriate question. And for the record, a vaginoplasty does not involve cutting off a penis. It’s more like gutting it and turning it inside-out like a sock, and putting it up inside her. Some transwomen cannot achieve orgasm with their vaginas, as surgery isn’t perfect, and they may feel some shame around this. Don’t give her trouble about it; don’t quiz her as to whether she came. Ask instead, “Does this feel good?”

7. “Why won’t you fuck me with your dick? That’s what it’s for, right?” This is the sort of thing heard all too often from porn-fed losers who are still fantasizing about a luscious she-male with tits like a woman who will bang them like a man. It’s not that this sort of transwoman doesn’t exist - they do, and should be treated like the goddesses that they are - but not all, or even most transwomen are comfortable with using their big clits like a man uses his penis. Some can’t even get erections any more after years of estrogen, and prefer less direct and more sensuous forms of stimulation. No matter what her preference, it should be respected and appreciated. She does not exist to fulfill your fantasies, and she has the right to mentally reframe her body any way she wants. If you only want a transwoman for fantasy purposes, then you might think about putting out a personal sex ad…and being prepared to shell out for the privilege. Oh, and while you’re at it….leave that term, “she-male”, at the door. Don’t even let it pass your lips unless she uses it first.

7. “My god, you look like a real woman!” Since she may well think of herself as a real woman, this is not a compliment. “You look beautiful” is safer.

8. “How can you say anything about feminism? You grew up a man, with privilege.” Yes, but she lost it really fast, as soon as she transitioned. In fact, if she doesn’t pass perfectly, she is at more risk than even a biowoman for discrimination and violence. Many formerly-privileged transwomen discover feminism awfully quickly, after they get a good taste of sexism from the other side. They’ll have to deal with it for the rest of their lives, and it’s today and tomorrow that count, not yesterday.

9. “You’re the best of both worlds.” Be careful with this one. Some transwomen do consider themselves something in between male and female, a divine androgyne, a sacred two-spirit, and would be complimented by that. Others consider themselves women, work very hard to be accepted as women, and would take great offense. Best not to say it until you’re certain which variety you’ve got.

10. “I know this sex change must have been hard for you.” Really? How do you know that? For some people, transition is the best thing that ever happened to them. If your transwoman wants to bring up her emotions about her TG-ness, she will do so when she feels safe enough. Don’t assume you know how any of it feels. Often, when people say this, one senses that it is they who are having a hard time with our sex changes.

11. Don’t write letters or emails that say things like “I’d like to cum see you,” or anything else that reveals you gained your literacy from Penthouse Forum at best.

12. Don’t pull out a porno mag or Fredericks’ of Hollywood catalog and make suggestions about what kind of underwear she should get or that you’d want to buy her. Transwomen are not Barbie dolls, spending their lives dressing up in stuff to please porno mag subscribers. If one wants to give gifts of that nature, try to find out what she actually wears or prefers. Remember, think of her as a person first. (Corollary: Don’t ask about what kind of underwear she actually has on, either.)

13. Consider that the more transwomen dress according to other people’s kinky desires, the more real risk they place themselves in. Your kink; her dignity and very life. You do the math before you open your mouth. And if your date for whatever reason risks being flamboyant, tell her how brave she is, and be prepared to leave immediately if she says, “Umm, I think it’s time we got out of here, right now.”

14. Don’t act as if you are ashamed of being seen with her. This includes sneaking her to some out-of-the-way place and then ducking into the rest room when someone you know walks in, or otherwise refusing to be seen with her in any public place. If you can’t be proud of being with her, don’t do it.

15. Don’t assume that transwomen all want to be 1950’s-type women, be it pinup bimbos or Donna Reeds. There are some, usually older or raised in places that might as well be the 1950’s, who may experiment with old-fashioned ideas of womanhood, but it’s just as likely that she’s young, politically aware, and savvy about a woman’s place in the world. She is usually caught in a double bind….if she dresses as unisex as most women can acceptably get away with, she may be read as male. If she dresses culturally feminine enough to pass as female, she’s accused of being stereotypical. Be cognizant of this dilemma, and her individual response to it. If you’re attracted to the idea of dating a transwoman because you’re dreaming of an old-fashioned 1950’s girl, or you’re turned off to dating one because you’re assuming that they all have outdated ideas about womanhood, you may be in for a surprise.

The greatest gift that you can give a transwoman on a first date is to find subtle ways to sincerely express that you do, indeed, see her as feminine. First and foremost, get her name and pronouns right, every time. Don’t slip. If you do slip, don’t make a big profuse deal of it; just say something like, “Damn, I screwed up. It won’t happen again,” and change the subject. Refer to her as “my girlfriend”, “my lady”, and so on, as soon as it’s appropriate to do so, especially when introducing her to people who don’t know her. If they make a pronoun mistake, you correct them. It’ll show that it’s important to you.

Being in a relationship with a transwoman may not be the easiest thing in the world, but it can be extremely rewarding. I say this from the perspective my ten-year marriage to my MTF wife and partner. Our relationship still continues to surprise me and stimulate my growth as a human being to this day. When you lie with the image of God/dess, you will come away forever changed. Believe it.

Raven Kaldera is a good example of why trans men are not magical men-lite.  Let me just leave it at that.  Oh, and if you use the above article to date a trans woman, don’t be surprised if you fail miserably, because basically it has all the class and workability of the pick-up artist crap it’s modeled after with added transmisogyny.

(via write-on-red)

To everyone reblogging the comic “Queer” by Erika Moen






(TW: fetishization and gross understanding of trans men)

She also made THIS:

So. Yeah. Let’s not celebrate her for having the best understanding and respect for all queer identities.

not fucking cool seriously.

I love how they try to be satirical about their fetishization/completely fucking direspect of trans* bodies when really they just call themselves the fuck out and ignore their own call out.


Major side-eye. What is the point of understanding that someone is disrespected and dehumanised by something you said, the same thing that can get them killed, and then continuing to do it and justifying it simply by pointing out that the disrespected party exists? She does something similar with her racist bullshit except she says she’s working on it.

[tw: t-slur]
Adding to this: This would only happen to trans men. Objectification is not desirable by any means, but the attitude towards trans men is always so much more positive than the attitude towards trans women in the same scenarios.
Trans men transitioning: That’s so hot! I love trans men!
Trans women transitioning: Ew ugly, disgusting trannies. Who would ever want them?

(via blackenedbutterfly-deactivated2)


A long-term follow-up study of mortality in transsexuals receiving treatment with cross-sex hormones




This study was published online in 2011 and has some good news for transmen undergoing hormone treatment. Its objective was to assess “mortality rates in transsexual subjects receiving long-term cross-sex hormones.” It concludes that in “female-to-male transsexuals total mortality and cause-specific mortality were not significantly different from those of the general population.

The link leads to an abstract but there’s a link on the page to the full text. You can access it for free!

dude why did you tag a study about trans men with ‘mtf’?

Because “transsexuals” means “trans men” when you’re talking positively.

It’s a special kind of fuckery to take a study that observed both trans men and trans women and only post the parts about trans men and tag it with #mtf, though.

I’ve seen this reblogged several times now and each time I keep wtf-ing that someone actually had the nerve to do that.  So, now y’all get to share my pain.

(via kittensandscience)

You know you’re a transmisogynist when…


“I can call you whatever I want.”

I’ve seen this one way too often.  Always used to misgender trans women and other amab trans* people and call them men and males.  Such crap.